Musings

I'm not sure where this post is going to go, but I'll try to keep it short and simple. Although my thoughts are convoluted, and therefore this post may be as well. Hopefully I'll speak to what some of you feel about life, and perhaps we can work this out together. (We're all in this together right? HSM anyone?)

First of all, if you haven't read Donald Miller's book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you absolutely must drop whatever you are currently reading and pick it up. It is fabulous, and possibly life-changing. I know that sounds extreme, but I'm not kidding. It is incredibly provocative, and will challenge you beyond belief. I need to read it again, that's how great of a book it is.

On that note, the book is about your life story. He speaks of a story from an author's viewpoint, and then relates it to life. Since reading it, I haven't been able to stop asking myself, "What is my story? What do I want my story to be?"

This brings me to my difficult thoughts. I have a great life, don't get me wrong. I am enjoying our new church and growth group, and I'm really excited to get more involved. (I, of course, have some new ideas for our church.) However, I am terrified that I am going to wake up one day, and think, "Where did my life go? How in the world did I end up here?" Now, I want to be clear: I have absolutely NOTHING against a suburban, American life. I think it's a great choice for some people, and absolutely what God wants for various folks.

I just don't think I'm one of those folks. I don't want to be 30, married with a kid or two, living in a nice, suburban area, waiting to buy the next big item in our lives. Of course I want to still be married (DUH!), and I would love to have a kid or two, but I don't want to be settled. I want a story. I want people to say at my funeral, "Wow, did she live." I want my kids to think that life is one big adventure, not a series of events that (hopefully) move you up the social ladder.

I just don't know what that big adventure is. I want to be a part of something amazing- something that brings hope to our hurting, broken world. Something that furthers the kingdom in a mighty way.

BUT I want to still be financially responsible, and I want my kids to feel stable and safe. And I have no idea what God wants us to do. The great thing is that Justin is fantastic, and an adventurer too. I know that he is with me in these desires and feelings.

Again, my fear is that I'll wake up one day and be living this life I never intended or wanted to live. I want to fight selfish desires for the American dream, and fight for the dream of a story that is beyond this world.

How do you fight for your dreams?

Sorry if this makes no sense.