First of all, if you haven't read Donald Miller's book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years you absolutely must drop whatever you are currently reading and pick it up. It is fabulous, and possibly life-changing. I know that sounds extreme, but I'm not kidding. It is incredibly provocative, and will challenge you beyond belief. I need to read it again, that's how great of a book it is.
On that note, the book is about your life story. He speaks of a story from an author's viewpoint, and then relates it to life. Since reading it, I haven't been able to stop asking myself, "What is my story? What do I want my story to be?"
This brings me to my difficult thoughts. I have a great life, don't get me wrong. I am enjoying our new church and growth group, and I'm really excited to get more involved. (I, of course, have some new ideas for our church.) However, I am terrified that I am going to wake up one day, and think, "Where did my life go? How in the world did I end up here?" Now, I want to be clear: I have absolutely NOTHING against a suburban, American life. I think it's a great choice for some people, and absolutely what God wants for various folks.
I just don't think I'm one of those folks. I don't want to be 30, married with a kid or two, living in a nice, suburban area, waiting to buy the next big item in our lives. Of course I want to still be married (DUH!), and I would love to have a kid or two, but I don't want to be settled. I want a story. I want people to say at my funeral, "Wow, did she live." I want my kids to think that life is one big adventure, not a series of events that (hopefully) move you up the social ladder.
I just don't know what that big adventure is. I want to be a part of something amazing- something that brings hope to our hurting, broken world. Something that furthers the kingdom in a mighty way.
BUT I want to still be financially responsible, and I want my kids to feel stable and safe. And I have no idea what God wants us to do. The great thing is that Justin is fantastic, and an adventurer too. I know that he is with me in these desires and feelings.
Again, my fear is that I'll wake up one day and be living this life I never intended or wanted to live. I want to fight selfish desires for the American dream, and fight for the dream of a story that is beyond this world.
How do you fight for your dreams?
Sorry if this makes no sense.